When someone pulls out a checkbook be prepared, because the next thing out of their mouth is going to be, “What is today’s date?”

I always emphasize the year, “June 14th, TWO-THOUSAND TWELVE!”

“Uh, yeah, I know what year it is.”

“No you don’t.  If you did you wouldn’t still be writing checks.”


When there’s a long line at a register sometimes the store will open another register. The cashier will call for the next person in line to come over. That’s the point when the very last person in the line makes a mad dash and ends up first in line. Here’s where I need accounting advice. What kind of tax breaks do I get for “eliminating” an asshole?