10/10/12

They said Jerry Sandusky is getting a mandatory 30 years, but they don’t mean that.  He’s going to die in a few years and they’ll take him out.  I think there should be a rapist wing in prison where they serve their sentences dead or alive.  That way, the next convicted rapist gets a dead body as a roommate.  That would make for a good roommate sitcom to fill the void that Bosom Buddies left behind.

04/9/12

When I find out when and where you guys are meeting to come up with ways to look like idiots while at the same time irritating the hell out of me I’m going to lock you in and burn the place down. Quit it with the flip-flops already. Seven of you bastards smack, smack, smacking around the bar yesterday. You probably still do word search puzzles.

03/29/12

When there’s a long line at a register sometimes the store will open another register. The cashier will call for the next person in line to come over. That’s the point when the very last person in the line makes a mad dash and ends up first in line. Here’s where I need accounting advice. What kind of tax breaks do I get for “eliminating” an asshole?