05/23/12

Laws are confusing.  I can’t pay a woman to rub my genitals, but I can pay her to rub everything else.  I can pay a woman to get naked and grind on me, but I can’t touch her.  I can pay a woman to have sex with a man, video tape it and sell the video, but I can’t pay her to have sex with me.  Wait, I think I just found a loophole.  Here, hold this video camera and $200 and follow my lead.

04/26/12

Gather ‘round, I have an announcement to make.  Zero is a number, O is a letter.  I know it’s hard, but when giving your phone number and social security number try to use actual numbers.

04/3/12

Every time I go to the bar I hope a female porn star will sit down and tell me about her day. Maybe she would even ask for help reading her lines. Instead, I get tall turd stories from Paul the plumber.