You’re not handicapped, you’re just really fat. Get out of the powered wheelchair and walk…hell, jog. And why in the hell are you in the grocery store buying more food? No, I will not get the Chips Ahoy! off the top shelf for you. You can’t see your own vagina, can you?
New rule for pants manufacturers: maximum 4 belt loops. I feel like I’m weaving baskets trying to get dressed in the morning…or afternoon. I wouldn’t need a belt if America wasn’t so damn fat. I can’t find 30×34 but I can find a pile of 44×30.
Every town has that one intersection that was designed by a 7 year-old girl on Take Your Daughter to Work Day.