05/14/12

People think I’m an asshole because I don’t leave messages on their voicemail.  No, you’re an asshole for making me listen to a recording of some lady with the most condescending attitude on the planet explaining to me in great detail how to do something I’ve been doing without complication for 30 years.

04/30/12

I’m not sure of the exact points of classification when a mound becomes a hill and a hill becomes a mountain.  But I do know an asshole becomes the taxonomic equivalent of Mount Everest when he gets a badge, a gun and a car with lights and sirens.

04/3/12

It looks like we’ve finally become so stupid that we’re going to have to do it.  I was hoping it wouldn’t happen in my lifetime, but it’s time.  We have to start selling baseball caps and belts with instructions.

 

03/23/12

Whoever invented the wine glass is an asshole.

That person decided to take the liquid with the most stain ability and put it in the most unstable glass.

Fashion 1 – Function 0.