05/7/12

We will always have those guys that come into a bar, tell everyone how great they are, talk down to the bartender and complain about how weak the drinks are.  Your drinks are weak because the bartender’s asshole-o-meter pegged out the instant you walked through the door.  Here, take a drink from my glass.  Taste good?  That’s what it tastes like to NOT be an asshole.

05/1/12

Drinking and driving laws are bullshit.  The DMV should go to the bar with me.  After every drink we’ll get in my vehicle and take the driving test.  If I pass I’ll blow into the breathalyzer.  As soon as I fail the driving test we’ll know my personal BAL limit.  That number will be printed on my license.  That way I can stay at the bars longer.  And that is how I plan to stimulate the economy.