Be prepared because next year I’m taking over St. Patrick’s Day. I realize it’s fun for you to dress up in silly green outfits and walk around punch-drunk spilling more green beer than you drink. I just wish you would realize that it’s not fun for me. First off, quit asking me why I’m not wearing green. I don’t wear green because it makes me look skinny, bald and annoyed. Second, I will be carrying around a globe. If you can’t point out Ireland on said globe you will be sent home.